"suck my dick"
"nah sorry i have a shrimp allergy"
"As of yesterday, I wanted to kill [Sam] in his sleep. I thought he was a monster. But now I think… He’s just acting like me."
Artist creates bird’s piercing gaze after dropping two Hula Hoops into coffee
I LEGIT THOUGHT THERE WAS AN OWL IN THAT CUP
how the fuck do you drop hula hoops into coffee
This must be a huuuuge coffee mug if you can drop 2 hula hoops into it.
^they’re a kind of crisp in the UK
you don’t know how hard i’m laughing at the americans who didn’t get it omg
if it’s not american it doesn’t exist
what the fuck is a crisp
Nothing will fuck up your twenties more than thinking you’re supposed to have your shit together.
So I’m working on this music box but idk if I’ll finish it because the lazy… the lazy is so strong with me. So anyway. Here’s a thing
I FREAKING LOVE THESE MUSIC BOXES
AND I LOVE YOU ELLI FRIEND.
* Documentary Voice *
* British Documentary Voice *
* David Attenborough Documentary Voice *
Guys please you’re embarrassing the fandom… *Morgan Freeman’s God Documentary Voice.*
one of the worst things about becoming educated on social issues is when people are like ‘you used to have a sense of humor’
no i used to have internalized prejudices which i’ve worked really hard to overcome and i realize now that your jokes are shitty
"this baby came out of you but im not 100% sure its yours"
i’ve been meaning to go on a diet for about 5 years
pizza wasn’t invented until the late 19th century so that means everyone in les mis died before they could try their first pizza and that’s why les mis is such an upsetting story
at a restaurant while u high like
"can i order this"
"would you like a soup or a salad?"
"WHATS A SUPER SALAD"
well behaved women rarely make history but neither do boring teenage girls who do nothing but party so you’re in a bit of a pickle there champ
i was labelling stuff today and this lady scoffed at me and i was like hi and she was like writing with ur left hand is immoral. its 2014 and someone actually said that to my face